Saturday, March 3, 2012

A Friend's Death. Grace for both of Us.

A friend who was deeply respected died on Leap Day; Feb. 29. Her death causes me to question the way I have lived my life and many of the positions I have taken. It prompts me to write down some thoughts to see if I can make sense of my emotions.
By Worldly standards she is so much more than me for the great work she has done. In her job and for her community and Church she made her life count for something. She did her best by uniting the powers that be while conforming to conventional standards of right and wrong.
I loved her too because she was so gracious and supportive of the new ideas that I have. She had a magic quality and a special power that made people want to give and give and give. In her last days she brought me into this sphere and showed me how it all worked.
Even if I haven't lived my life so that others would give me accolades and honor and love she showed me something of a life well lived.
Maybe I'll get it right some day and get some honor for what I'm trying to do or I'll find out that people respect me for the way I lived my life but I have my doubts that it will be on the same grand scale that she did. I believe the Holy Spirit is using me and Christ and God and Goddess know. My people and my country don't understand but I keep trying.
She knew how to do Good in spite of this and brought it all together. Maybe she can teach me yet or maybe I have to strive along, alone in the quest to find the pearl and show it in the light that people understand.
The intense striving I've done the last few years to seek the highest degree of righteousness in all things including Love Light was at first an optimistic enterprise. Then less and less so until I do it as a Hermit with only the determination of ego to keep me going. Ego is not given the credit it deserves as a protector of Good things and we're supposed to just get rid of it and take our shields down. Ego is why reason doesn't penetrate but it is also what keeps ignorance from prevailing. It's given to us for some reason and like everything we should use it for it's highest purpose; discovering what is right and protecting what is right.
My friend was a great unifier who was a Light for those in the community and Church while at the same time embracing the more radical truth of Feminist Theology. I would like to be more like her and be loved like she was and I want some of the Spirits who were around her to be around me and have some of the power that she processed.
I'm a radical and push the boundaries of convention and I'll do that until radical things don't seem so radical anymore. That's not popular. In my positions seeking high righteousness in Love Light I have a very negative view of using the Cross as a Holy Symbol but then I found it all over the Church where her Memorial was held so I had to rethink it. This great woman went along with it so what's wrong with me?
I conclude; there's nothing wrong with me for objecting to the Cross as a Christian Symbol. Maybe she never thought about it but maybe she accepted it as a price she had to pay to optimise the Good she wanted to do. I have to think that and most people just accept a lot of things to get through this life.
It is a mystery though. She was a Great Person. So what should I do?
I think the Cross is a symbol that's been foisted on us by anti-Christ notions that are still with us from the days of Roman crucifixion. So why do "Christians" who claim to follow Christ adorn themselves with a symbol of not only his cruel death but the cruel deaths of thousands of other people the Romans oppressed and terrorized?
I know there's a standard answer for this; that it's a symbol of our forgiveness so we remember Christ's sacrifice for us. That makes no sense if we're capable of critical thinking.
What is really at question here is whether you work within the system to do Good or be a rebel like Christ. If she wasn't such a good person I would say to be a rebel like Christ could be the only way but there must be more to it than that.
I have to rethink my position on "Grace" because I can think of nothing else that would apply so well here. Grace for my friend who used the system to help as many people as possible to get the support and Love they all needed. Maybe it's not right to use the Cross as a symbol of Christianity but Love and Grace forgives it.
And Grace for me if what I'm doing in confronting the status quo religious paradigm is somehow wrong because I don't care enough about the Love of my fellow men.
As I have discovered through my study; we all have jobs to do in life and mine is to be critical and analytical about commonly held perceptions that I see as impediments to Enlightenment and Life. That's why I was born the way I was with my nature.
I know I offend people even when I'm not being especially critical and just trying to explain Love Light. Most people don't Love Light. Somehow people know instinctively that Love Light is an affront to how we live. To me that's sad.
Do you know that in the 12th Century the real Christian Church was killed off because of their beliefs; including not using the Cross as a Symbol? Tens of thousands of True Christians were exterminated in an act of genocide upon the order of Pope Innocent in a war that lasted 20 years. After that the anti-Christ took over and it's "Inquisition" went on for 500 years and millions more were slaughtered in an unholy use of the name of Christ. Our ancestors were a part of this and Christopher Columbus who we revere turned a virtual Heaven on Earth into a hell for the people who lived in the land we now occupy. For me this is not something to perpetuate but something to repent of.
My friend was a beautiful person and still is because she is surely going to a good place after all the Good she did. That's why I have to moderate my thinking out of love and respect for her and all the people who love her. There is also room for people like me who's purpose is to stir things up and light the way. And that sounds so lame in a World like this.

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